Mother knows best

As children, we had creative ways of faking illness in an effort to stay at home rather than go to School.

Of course, our parents (usually the mothers in the home) were way ahead of us in establishing whether our illnesses were genuine or faked.  

My mother was a genius at this.  Her instant remedy (which was a masked threat) was to stick two tablespoons of castor oil into our mouths or give us a glass full of Epsom Salts whichever was closest to her, and this assured my mother that we would not be spending School time sitting down idly at home and doing nothing.  Boy! Did she ever keep us busy all morning running in and out of the can? These drugs were aptly called “Opening Dose” in Zanzibar.  Now you know what was kept constantly open with these doses. 

Mother also believed that any illness was best tackled through the stomach first.  I have no idea where she learnt this, but somehow it seemed to work for her. 

The only illnesses that it failed to prevent were chicken pox and mumps.  Here also mother proved to be a genius.  If one of us came down with these infectious diseases, she would insist that we play with the one who came down with it.  You almost got the impression that if she had to, she would rub us against each other so that we would catch it.  The reasoning was that as a working woman she would rather treat us all at the same time, rather than have each of us come down with it at different times.  Now that is what you call time management.

My brother Eustace preferred to sit in the can all day rather than go to School so when I look back, he seemed to have had more holidays from School than were mandated by the government or the Church.  He must have also had the cleanest bowls in town.  Can you imagine that after this therapy we still found time to eat the yellow fruit at the Victoria Gardens which was aptly called “Halulee” and which hastened bowl movement? We sometimes shared this fruit with the girls we did not like, and in a short time their “ayahs” beat a hasty retreat home with the girls in tow.

No matter how much mother expounded about the merits of having an education and the value of going to School she frequently reminded us about friends whose children reached such heights in their lives because they loved to go to School and do their homework.  We sympathized with mother.  However, deep down we felt (and this was never articulated for fear of the “slipper”) that those “book worms” were perhaps the most unhappy individuals since at our age we thought that the only way to learn was through the consequences of our irresponsibilities.  I guess that this was a lopsided credo, but it was one that we deeply believed in.

Mother Superior kept a religious eye on students who absented themselves frequently from School.  If a pattern of absenteeism was discovered, the parents were invited to meet with her so that appropriate action could be taken.  Somehow, since mother was a teacher at St. Joseph’s Convent School, she was never approached on the subject.  My guess is that even when we did attend classes, we were so incorrigible that the teachers probably would breathe a sigh of relief and keep our absence from school a guarded secret.

Fortunately, many years later when we grew up into men, we made up for all the losses in School time, and amidst a whole lot of huddles placed in our path, we were able to overcome and become professionals in our chosen fields.

Thank you mother for your “infinite” patience and your angelic “love” for us. 

We have never stopped loving you. When you next meet us in the “beyond”, thank heavens it will be as grown men!!!